Yesterday 5/16/2011 I found out Tony has been living with his girlfriend less than a year after he's moved out. He moved on so fast to the live in girlfriend phase. Yesterday was the worst day it seems I took it so hard and pain is still fresh. The bipolar also took a hold of me as yet again I broke things off with Hector. My mind tells me I need to be alone my fear says you can't be alone its too scary. What is the right thing to do..... A wise person says that it takes a bipolar person alot longer to find clarity but it will come.
Tonite I start my support group..it is free and I have doubts about what kind of people will be there. Its a step in the right direction. Today I did have a chat with Tony about us and letting go. He would contact me everyday. Last intimate encounter was almost 4 weeks last time he flirted with me 2 weekends ago. The news left my head spinning as I thought that maybe Tony wasn't over me. But he is and was just using me..... at this point I feel ravished and used by him that I swear dating or relationships make my stomach sick.
Another set back but the important thing is I am here still standing.
I've been faking it since I can remember and this picture is another fake it clean the tears away and go on with your life.
Friday 5/13 i had such a low spell that I literally cried myself to sleep then I woke up and got ready as I had committed to spending time with a couple friend of mine and Hector.
None of the people at my table would suspect I was battling a low. I did good covering in up. The picture of me after I woke up wiped the tears away and put on a happy face.
One day I'd like to not fake it anymore.
